Honing a Philosophy

I've thought a lot over the years about what it means to "embrace the awkward." After all, if you're going to have a life philosophy, it's good to know what you really mean by it. I think initially, for me and for my friend Sejal (who actually coined the phrase), embracing the awkward often meant being willing to go out of our way to get a good story: to go on the date with the person you knew probably wasn't right for you, to engage with the crazy stranger who sat next to you on public transit, to dance like a fool in public. I have definitely done all of those things--many times.

There will always be a place for that level of awkward-embracing: being willing to go the extra mile to create some craziness in your life is good for you, and it does make for great stories. But as I've gotten a little older and a little calmer, and gotten into a serious relationship (and thus can't end every weekend with an arsenal of crazy bad date stories), I've realized that the wisdom of this philosophy extends deeper than I first thought.

There are other ways to embrace awkwardness. They're more subtle, but I think they still have the ability to make your life better. As an example, I've just moved across the country to a place where I don't have a job, don't know anyone, and don't have any easy, built-in ways to meet new people. It has been a very long time since I've lived anywhere where that was true. But thankfully, what I do have is a commitment to embracing the awkward. In this case, that means trying to network (even though I hate it and feel like I'm bad at it), putting myself out there and following up when I meet new, cool people, and trying to find ways to make this new place feel like a home. All of that feels pretty awkward. It's hard. It's a lot of work. There are lots of times I'd really rather not try. And that's when this "embracing the awkward" philosophy serves me best: it reminds me that if I show up--if I try, even when i don't feel like it--the odds are decent something really good will come from it. And if nothing good comes from it? Well, I've still got a story I can re-tell and laugh at later, and that's always been a pretty good consolation prize.

Too Long

It's been a very long time since I've written on my blog--nearly two and a half years. I'd like to say that even without writing on this blog, I was regularly embracing awkward situations, but I'm not totally sure that's true.

A lot has happened in the time since then. But between school, and being in a serious relationship, and just generally getting kind of lazy, I've gotten out of the habit of seeking out awkwardness. And the thing about getting out of the habit of something is that it's then really hard to get back INTO the habit. It feels hard. It feels scary. Why would I want to be awkward, when I could just hide comfortably at home?

But choosing not to embrace awkward situations is suddenly no longer an option: for the first time in 8 years, I've moved somewhere where I literally do not know a single person (except the man I moved here with, my fiance Mike), and I don't have a job (in a market and a field where finding a job is going to be tough). So I think it's a good time to re-learn how to embrace awkward situations--indeed, to actively seek them out. I'm pretty sure that embracing the awkwardness is what it's going to take to make this new place really feel like home.

Rudy

My mom called me yesterday afternoon to tell me that they had to put our 18 year-old dog, Rudy, to sleep. There aren't words to describe how shocked and saddened I was, even though I should have been preparing myself for this day for years. In the past 6 years, there have been several back surgeries and more than a few bouts of sickness bad enough to make me think this might be the end. But he always bounced back better and healthier than before.

I guess part of me assumed he'd just keep doing that.

But this time, it seems, there was no bouncing back.

Being so far away in DC, I feel somewhat buffered from the full impact of this news. But what will happen--and how will it feel--when I go home to Colorado, and Rudy isn't there?

He's been a fixture--a family member--since I begged my parents to buy him from the pet store when I was 10. At the time, we already had two other high-maintenance dogs; the last thing we needed was a new puppy to train. But he was so cute, and it was so heart-breakingly sad that no one else had wanted to buy him: he'd been in the pet store for 8 months--so long that the employees had gone ahead and given him a name.

From the moment we set eyes on Rudy it was love at first sight, and he has been nothing but a wonderful, fun and funny addition to our family. From tipping over trashcans and pulling toilet paper off the roll to being the best looking dog ever to sport an Elmo party hat, Rudy will be missed. By me and my parents, certainly. By our other dogs certainly. But also by just about anyone who ever encountered him: Rudy was the kind of special dog that made even the most wary dog-hater fall in love, and I don't know how exactly we will get along without him.

Rudy with birthday cake on his face

Easter fun, a few weeks late

I'm back-dating this blog post, because I couldn't bear the thought that I'd actually gone more than a month without posting on my blog. Shameful.

Easter is one of my favorite holidays of the year: I love spring time, I like pastel colors, I like dyeing eggs and I LOVE Peeps. But this year, I was sick to the point of not being able to get out of bed and had to cancel my plans for an Easter dinner with my grad school friends. But Mike--who must have the world's best immune system--could sense my disappointment about scrapping all my Easter plans, and he said he was willing to risk getting sick in order for us to celebrate. And so we did, in a smaller fashion. A little dinner, a little egg dyeing, and some Peep jousting. All in all, a pretty good Easter, despite the illness.

Our dyed Easter eggs

Mike and Claire self-portraits. Medium: eggs, dye, and wax crayon.

Our Peeps, prior to the joust

Our Peeps, after the joust. I think Mike's won.

If you're going to San Francisco. . . .

I know, I know. I've been a slacker of a blog poster this month. Since grad school started, that seems to be the theme of my life. But to do a little catch up, two weeks ago, Mike and I went to San Francisco for Valentine's Day/President's Day weekend.

I think I told every single person I saw in the month leading up to us going how excited I was.

You know how sometimes you're really excited about something, and then when it actually happens, it's not as good as you thought it would be? Yeah, that definitely DID NOT happen this time. San Francisco/Oakland were so much better than I thought they would be, and I was already expecting them to be awesome.

For starters, we had kick-ass weather. Apparently, it's been very rainy and cold this winter, and this was about the first time since November that the sun had come out. I know this because when we went kayaking on Lake Merritt, the boat rental lady told us we were the first people to rent boats in 2008! Good work Mike and Claire!


Then, we got to go to Drake's, my fabulously sketchy brewery in a parking lot. And even better, I got to go there with Miranda. And even better than that, we ran into George. Seeing as how Miranda and George were both integral parts of the awkward craziness that always was Friday nights at Drakes, I was happy to share it with both of them.



We also got to see more of my dearly missed SF friends: Helen, Jess, and Dina. We hit up some of my favorite dive bars in SF and the East Bay.

Doc's Clock

The Alley

We went to Angel Island. I learned how to play Rummy 500 and now own a set of "how to survive in the wilderness" playing cards.



And we ate oh so much yummy food. This trip was pretty much built around a very rigid plan of all the foods I've missed and can't get in D.C., that we then washed down with cheap dive bar beers. Or bloody marys.

Banana Pudding from Chef Edward's

The only things that could have made it better would have been more time, and getting to see more old friends. But for a short weekend it was awesome, and I think just simply made both of us more sure we want to come back again--very soon!

I'm a Bloody Mess

And I do mean that literally.
This is what happens when an accident prone person (inevitably) falls off her bike. It's going to be even more gorgeous when it bruises, I think. Oh, and for those who are interested, if you follow the trail of blood down my shin in the picture, you can also see the eye-shaped scar left over from the MRSA/abscess-removal.

I suppose it's never too late to start wrapping myself in bubble wrap?

YAY!!!!

My friend Miranda sent me a message a few days ago, asking what I was doing for President's Day. Seeing as how I didn't even know when President's Day was, I definitely didn't have plans. And then she suggested meeting in San Francisco, with boyfriends in tow. It took me approximately 4 seconds to decide that come hell or high water, boyfriend or no, I WAS going to be in San Francisco that weekend. So I launched a full-force persuasion campaign to get Mike to agree that it was worth the cost to come.

And 12 hours later, our plane tickets were bought. I AM SO EXCITED! I'm excited to see friends, I'm excited to get to go all the places I miss, and I'm really excited to get to share it with Mike.