When I first moved to the Bay Area from Boston, I loved it. So many things were better: the weather, the diversity, the food, the political climate, the people. (As in: they were actually friendly, smiling or saying hello on the street instead of just glaring, cursing and clutching their purse or briefcase tighter to their side as they plowed past you on the sidewalk.)
In three years, however, my love affair with the Bay Area has dimmed. In fact, I dare say, it might just be over. And it's not going to be a pretty break up.
Things that I used to think were cute I'm just f-ing done with now. The word "partner," for example. When I moved here I was so excited by the term and the concept: finally a way to describe people in a long-term, committed loving relationship who didn't want to be pigeon-holed into the traditional roles of a "marriage." The problem now, however, is that using the term "partner" is just what you do here if you want to be considered hip and cool and edgy and post-traditional (and of course everyone in the Bay Area seems to want to be all of those things) whether or not you are, in fact, in a long-term committed loving relationship. It seems that no one here has boyfriends or girlfriends anymore; they don't even have people they're dating. It's partner or nothing, because everyone knows how mainstream and limiting the term boy/girlfriend is. I am tired of people introducing their girlfriends of two months to me as their partner--"PARTNER IN WHAT?" I want to scream. "YOU TWO HAVEN'T BEEN TOGETHER LONG ENOUGH TO SHARE A COLD OR A TUBE OF TOOTHPASTE, SO CUT THE PARTNER CRAP."
The term "progressive" is another example of this PC hipster bullshit that I'm tired of. No one here likes to be called "liberal"--it has such a bad connotation. "Flaming liberal." "Bleeding heart liberal." "Crazy liberal." We prefer "progressive" because it sounds more reasonable. But guess what? A rose by any other name is still, well. . . a crazy liberal. I am tired of euphemisms that try to cover the truth. I am tired of people who can't see the truth. I am very tired of the black and white "us" vs. "them" fascist groupthink that passes as discourse in liberal or progressive--or whatever the hell you want to call it--circles. It's no better than the extreme fanatacism of the religious right. In fact, maybe it's worse, because at least the right is still making an effort to reach out to those in the middle, who haven't made up their minds. All the left has succeeded in doing is alienating all those people in the middle with their self-righteous "if you're not with us then you must be a stupid, evil Republican" schtick. Guess what kids? Writing off whole groups of people as stupid evil Republicans isn't exactly the most effective way to argue your case or gain any support.
One of the first things I learned about organizing is that you have to start with building relationships with people. Be willing to listen to where they're coming from and engage in a dialogue--not a 1-sided "I'm right and you're wrong" lecture--but a dialogue. When there is trust and open communication, it is possible for people to open up to new ideas, new ways of seeing. It is possible for people to move and change. Unlikely supporters will surface if you're willing to let them. If you're willing to do the humble--and humbling--work of meeting people where they are and engaging in real give-and-take dialogue, change will happen.
I mean, sure you can write off whole groups of people--because they're Republicans or business-people or they still eat meat or they drive an SUV or whatever--but the smug, self-satisfied thrill you get at thinking yourself to be intellectually or morally superior won't get you too far in an election year. Take one look at the administratio of this country to see that fact for yourself.
This leads me to the next thing that I've started to hate about the Bay Area. It occurred to me the other day that every single person I know here works for a non-profit. I find this sad in the extreme. But I suspect that for many people, it is a badge of honor not to be associated with "those" people. I am tired of the assumption that if you work for corporate America, then you "sold out." People do what they do for a million different reasons. Maybe they're good at it. Maybe their parents did it before them. Maybe they failed French and business was the only course of study that didn't require a foreign language (that's just for you, dad!) Maybe they want to make sure they'll be able to support themselves and their family. Maybe they just want to make buckets of money. I don't care. What I do care about is the fact that people on the left talk so much about how judgmental the right is; they worry so much about being labeled and pigeon-holed, and they're doing the exact same thing. Except that the left's judgmentalism is based on career choice, not skin color or sexual orientation. Does that make it any more acceptable? i don't think so. Grow the fuck up and learn how to get along with and appreciate others--even if they're I-bankers.
I could go on (don't get me started about how I can count the number of people I know who believe in God on one hand), but I won't. I'm all raged out for one day. It basically comes down to the fact that the Bay Area is a silly, self-absorbed mess of a place, where everyone takes themselves and their identity too seriously (me included). But even though it IS a mess, I know deep down I still think it's a beautiful, glorious mess that I'm glad I experienced, even as I contemplate running like hell for someplace saner.
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