My last post reminded me of a story I'd almost forgotten. My friend and former co-worker Leslie has this beautiful grey poodle named Athena. One day, Leslie and Athena and I were hanging out, drinking coffee and killing time before a meeting. A young guy who was clearly into dogs approached us and we started talking. He asked Athena's name, and when Leslie told him, he said "Athena--what a great name! She was the goddess of warriors and sages, you know."
After he'd walked away we sat in silence for a few moments. Finally, Leslie said "You know, all the women I know are warriors and sages."
I've always considered that to be one of the best compliments I've ever received.
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Double Standards
Word of the Day for Wednesday October 26, 2005
virago \vuh-RAH-go; vuh-RAY-go\,noun
1. A woman of extraordinary stature, strength, and courage.
2. A woman regarded as loud, scolding, ill-tempered, quarrelsome, or overbearing.
I wish it surprised me that a word meaning a woman who is strong, powerful and brave can also be used to mean a woman who is a shrew, or worse, a "bitch." But I am not surprised. It's 2005. Women can vote, run for office, run corporations or stay at home, get married or choose not to, and have babies with or without a husband. What women cannot seem to do, however, is undo the insidious social perception that a powerful woman is a problem.
The double standard is blatant. It's also everywhere in our society. A powerful man is respected. But a powerful woman? All too often, she's disliked and resented. How many fabulous women--well on their way to doing amazing things, taking leadership, and providing much-needed vision--have been stopped dead in their tracks by fear of being pigeonholed as "pushy," "nagging" or worse? It's not much of a choice for women when the two options are either being nice (and ineffective) or being a bitch.
I cannot help but wonder if, in an era of corporate scandals, the reason Martha Stewart spent time in jail is because of her wrongdoing or because she's a powerful--and therefore threatening--woman. Why wasn't Ken Lay keeping her company? And what about Cheney's good friends at Halliburton? Apparently a culture where "good old boy" cronyism is alive and well isn't quite ready to make room for women, or better still, judge (and punish) people fairly based on their actions, not on their gender or who their political connections are.
2. A woman regarded as loud, scolding, ill-tempered, quarrelsome, or overbearing.
I wish it surprised me that a word meaning a woman who is strong, powerful and brave can also be used to mean a woman who is a shrew, or worse, a "bitch." But I am not surprised. It's 2005. Women can vote, run for office, run corporations or stay at home, get married or choose not to, and have babies with or without a husband. What women cannot seem to do, however, is undo the insidious social perception that a powerful woman is a problem.
The double standard is blatant. It's also everywhere in our society. A powerful man is respected. But a powerful woman? All too often, she's disliked and resented. How many fabulous women--well on their way to doing amazing things, taking leadership, and providing much-needed vision--have been stopped dead in their tracks by fear of being pigeonholed as "pushy," "nagging" or worse? It's not much of a choice for women when the two options are either being nice (and ineffective) or being a bitch.
I cannot help but wonder if, in an era of corporate scandals, the reason Martha Stewart spent time in jail is because of her wrongdoing or because she's a powerful--and therefore threatening--woman. Why wasn't Ken Lay keeping her company? And what about Cheney's good friends at Halliburton? Apparently a culture where "good old boy" cronyism is alive and well isn't quite ready to make room for women, or better still, judge (and punish) people fairly based on their actions, not on their gender or who their political connections are.
I do have hope. Maybe my perception is a little skewed by living in the most off-the-charts liberal part of the country, but I do think my generation is more open to strong and powerful women. We're the generation that watched our moms push their way up the ladder of political, social and business success. Perhaps we're in a better position to respect and emulate that struggle--whether we're women or men--instead of being threatened by it. Perhaps not. But I choose to believe that women--and the culture at large--will keep moving in the right direction: toward equity in power and equality in our perception of those who possess it.
And what about for me personally? As an organizer, my job was to be "pushy," "nagging," and yes, even a "bitch" (depending on who you talked to). It took the whole three years I organized to really own the truth behind those words: organizing actually made me a strong, persistent, bold and powerful woman. I like that, and I wouldn't trade it for anything, regardless of what words you choose to define it. I don't really care if you'd say I was a bitch. I know which definition of virago I'm aiming for.
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