Straight from the Employee Handbook. . . .

I met a guy in a bar last night who told me that he worked as a tour guide for an Egyptian museum in San Jose. He said the people who ran the museum were "interesting."

"Interesting, how?" I asked.

"Well. . . .they're sort of spiritual," was his reply.

"Spiritual. . . . .?" I probed, trying to figure out exactly what he meant.

"Maybe New Age-y is a better way to describe them. Yeah. Definitely New Age-y."

My next question, of course, was what exactly made them so New Age-y.

"Well," he said,"I get all of the solstices off as holidays."

I couldn't make this stuff up. . . .

This came straight from the mouth of a guy on the streets of downtown Oakland. He was marching down the street, mumbling loudly to himself, when suddenly he proclaimed (to no one in particular):

"THE PROBLEM WITH THIS COUNTRY IS THAT ALL OF THE MEN LIE TOO MUCH, AND NONE OF THE WOMEN ARE HAVING ENOUGH ORGASMS."

Sign him up for a run for president!

The best pick up line I've ever heard

Berkeley (especially near campus) is an interesting place . . . . between the street people parked every couple of feet asking for change and the spiky-haired/pierced hipster students oblivously talking on their cell phones and not watching where they are going, walking up Telegraph Avenue can feel like a venture onto a Marine Corps obstacle course.

I have the good fortune of taking a class at UC Berkeley this semester, so every week, I get to witness this bizarre mix of humanity up close. Yesterday, as I was rushing to class--much later than usual and having parked about a million miles away in the only available parking space in all of Berkeley--I got my best dose to date of what exactly makes Berkeley so great. Hustling my way up the street toward campus, a young guy caught my eye. He could have been a street person, or maybe he was just some pierced punk student loitering on the street scowling at tourists. When he saw me, however, the scowl became a smile and he said "Hey! If I can make enough money tonight, can I take you out on a date later?"

Ah Berkeley, where even the street people are charming.