Pushing

It occurs to me that it’s been almost a whole year since I left my job as a union organizer. It’s hard to believe that a whole year has gone by, especially when on an almost daily basis, I find myself still struggling to un-do all the brainwashing that went into turning me into the crazily intense, single-minded organizing fiend that I was for so long. Hell, just recognizing it as brainwashing has taken nearly this whole year.

But while I’m sure that the brainwashing (or—as I prefer to think of it—training) made me a kick-ass organizer, I’m worried that it’s not really helping me so much in my real life. Here’s the best example I can come up with:

Pushing. In the world of union organizing, there is no such thing as being too pushy. If a worker doesn’t call you back, you call again. And again. And then you show up at their house. And you keep showing up until they’re home and they’re willing to talk. And if they’re never willing to talk, you talk to their co-workers and their friends and their family to organize them into pushing said worker to talk to you.

Try for a moment, if you will, to imagine using this strategy in other areas of your life. The guy you went on a great first date with hasn’t called you back? Just call again, and again, and then show up and talk to his roommate about how to get him to call you. Yeah. Doesn’t seem like such a good plan suddenly. I think that would officially get you categorized as a stalker, and you’d better be prepared for the restraining order to show up in the mail.

Once, early on in my time at the union, I expressed concern that I would be so pushy with someone that I would push them away. I was told, in no uncertain terms, that no one was ever lost by pushing too hard. If you lost someone by pushing, then you never really had them to begin with. Now, this logic seems pulled straight out of Orwell’s 1984: it’s impossible to push someone away by being too persistent. And 2+2=5.

The crazy thing, though, is that this “be pushy” logic worked in the world of the union. Being persistent and pushy and in people’s faces definitely gained me (and my co-workers) far more than it ever lost us. But in my real life? I’m not so sure. I’m constantly having to battle my (now) natural impulse to push, and honestly, I’m not sure that I’ve always done a good job of regulating it. I can’t help but wonder (and worry) about what good things in my life I’ve lost—or am at risk of losing—because I don’t know when to stop pushing and just let things be.