T.O.

I've been thinking about the concept of "The One" lately. (AKA "T.O.") I have friends who talk about finding "The One"--"Well, I guess he just wasn't 'The One' after all." "When it's the right time, I know I'll meet 'The One.'"

I'm not sure that I buy it. It just seems like an awful lot of pressure to put on any one person, on any one relationship.

And is it even a reasonable expectation? To me, "T.O." seems to imply completion, the person who makes you whole, the relationship that gives you everything you need. Like in Jerry Maguire: "You complete me." It's a nice sentiment, if you're into that kind of thing. A nice sentiment, but is it even possible for it to exist as a reality? Can one person really give you everything you need? I doubt it. Even if it were possible, would it be healthy? I think not.

A chicken and egg conundrum: did people start writing books and making movies about finding "T.O." because they'd seen that it really could happen in real life, or did people start looking for "T.O." in real life because they saw it some damn movie? Movie love is not real love, and I have a deep, sinking suspicion that the movie industry (with a little help from those bodice-ripper romance novels) is largely responsible for people's unreasonable expectations about what love means and what it will look like.

I think the odds are good that you will not fall in love with a person who regularly says things like "You complete me." I think the odds are good that they will not, in fact, complete you either. And I'd say the odds are fantastic that they won't like the movies you like, or the hobbies you like or the foods you like, and that unless you just want to give up on film noir and Thai food forever, you're gonna have to find someone else to enjoy those things with.

But for all you hopeless (or is it hopeful?) romantics out there who are actively searching for your "T.O."--take heart. This blog, after all, is being written by a woman who, if she gets married, is seriously considering having her husband live somewhere else. Like in a house of his own across the street. So what the hell do I know about love and "The One" anyway?